Butch4Butch: How Loving Another Butch Helped Me Learn To Love Myself

I’m searching for a Christian lady between 40 & 50 years old. Being a lesbian couple faces huge scrutiny, but I can face them all with you. You must have simple & decent choice of dress. I’m your perfect match if you’re tired of small talk.

It can involve a lot of false starts, weeding out red flags, and most importantly, requires you to have a strong sense of self outside of any relationship. Dating non-queer men as a queer woman can feel like stepping onto a dancefloor without knowing the routine. You see popular lesbian influencers on TikTok who still are looking up to Avril Lavigne and Billie Eilish. Grunge and punk styles are extremely popular, especially with the evolution of Muscial​.ly turning into TikTok.

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For butches this meant departing from an image of working-class masculine style; for femmes it meant toning down a hyper-feminine style and asserting themselves as empowered women. Women were also encouraged to promote equality and sameness within their relationships. For many such arguments were based on a dubious logic of false consciousness and internalized oppression, or the idea that women who adopted such roles must not know what their true desires were. Lesbian feminists were imposing a specific form of white middle-class sexuality and gender presentation as a universal standard, particularly for working-class women and women of color.

The word butch, and the identity it describes, dates from a time before modern gender identities and queer theory. As such, it’s a somewhat awkward fit within the modern spectrum, falling right on the line where gender identity meets gender presentation. There are some butches who consider themselves trans and/or nonbinary in identity and others who embrace their identity as female, rejecting the idea that identity must align with presentation. Nevertheless, trans women are prone to brush off butch as a skin-deep identity, demonstrating a lack of awareness of butch culture or the history of butch-femme dynamics among lesbian couples. Depends a lot on your body type since there’s certain things you can’t change like hip width and general stature that can make people gender you female.

It’s not super-butch, but sit at the piano with your bow tie undone and play something, and I say you are going to score. Flute, violin, clarinet, harp, viola, tambourine? You play one of these and you can leave your butch card at the door. As for movies, I just covered the butchest movies of all time, so refer to that. You don’t have to just hack them off yourself with clippers, though; there is nothing wrong with a nice manicure. I always choose « buff » rather than any polish.

A Dispatch From the Shifting, Porous Border Between Butch and Trans

“What’s the point when they look like men? Work in Progress follows the show’s co-creator and star, Abby McEnany, a self-described “fat, struggling, queer dyke,” in her quest for love and self-actualization. In the first episode alone, she accidentally kills her therapist, professes to be suicidal, plays charades, and makes a date with a much younger trans man. It’s a coming-of-middle-age story about love and family and mental illness.

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Think of it like an app-based friend intro. It calls itself « the dating app designed to be deleted, » so if you’re looking to enter into a meaningful relationship instead of a one-night stand, this app might be just the thing. TikTok fans, this is the perfect dating app for you. Fem focuses on videos more than other platforms, and also allows for group chats if you’re into that sort of thing. If you’re not a video person, never fear. And despite the name, it’s not just for femmes.

While the woman-messages-first feature Bumble is known for doesn’t work as well when both people identify that way, Bumble does have an extra element of urgency for those of us who don’t like waiting around. Users have to respond to messages Its Just Lunch within 24 hours, so if you need help making your move, this app can help. Some visible gender nonconformity is kinda required for me to truly be interested (like, perfect femininity isn’t my thing), but even most femme wlw have someof that.

I am a second year graduate student in a PhD program, and I have been struggling with “how to be,” so to speak, my entire career. This article, and reading about your experiences and tribulations, has given me so much validation that I am getting surprisingly emotional. So, thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I will definitely be following your blog and reading as much as I can. As so many before me have said, I greatly appreciate the time, effort, and detail you put into this article. I found the information to be extremely helpful in not only determining appropriate dress attire but also in gaining confidence in my ability to wear masculine clothing.

Over the years, I’ve found that a lot of gay men do that. They make fun of men who are effeminate because they fear they’ll be judged in the same way. It’s an internalized homophobia that I see a lot, even among gay men who are out and open. But I still went to Robert to talk to him about it because we were two weeks away from getting married. And he got so angry when I brought it up. We were in a restaurant and he nearly threw the table over, saying, “How dare somebody accuse me of that?